Today… today has not been my favorite day. Hasn’t been my favorite week. I’ve been cranky for days, sleeping poorly (and somehow too much, also… I guess those go hand in hand), snapping at people. Great way to behave when your days are numbered.
I think that’s the underlying cause. My husband is flying out to WA at the ass crack of dawn on Saturday. I’m following him in one month, maybe two… between now and then I have to finish my dissertation, defend, pack (that word should really be longer, to match its shitty time consuming nature), and say my goodbyes. I suppose it makes sense that the combined stress of this is morphing me into a moody bitch, but damn if I wish I couldn’t stop it.
It doesn’t help that at frisbee tonight I got rebuffed in front of all the rookies – unfairly, in my opinion. Told to stop talking down to someone, when all I’ve been trying to do is go where I’m told (since I’m graduating and not playing in the spring). I don’t understand how these girls don’t see that I am stretched tenuously thin, how they can be so self absorbed. And how they can handle themselves so inappropriately – on what planet do you holler at someone in front of everyone else? Is that normal? I would pull the offending person aside and discuss it elsewhere. And when I did that after the fact, to clear the air, I don’t think an apology ever actually materialized, just excuses. I’m surprised all the rookies haven’t gotten scared away by the craziness yet.
So then I sprained my ankle, and it’s getting all swollen, which is awesome – I have to drive a lot this weekend, and Husband can’t drive my car (why doesn’t he know how to drive a manual? uaher;kbn;alken)
And then I get home, looking forward to basically melting into a puddle of emotional blubbering, and find Husband to be MIA… apparently he’s at a soccer game. Which, in reality, is totally fine, but in Universe Hates Susie Land, was like the coup de grace.
So, I start crying for the first time in oh, a year? and can’t just give myself over to that and get it out of my damn system, because I got my tear ducts plugged today (lacrimal occlusion), because I have chronic dry eyes ever since that time I got optic neuritis and got whopped with a ridiculous quantity of steroids, and if I cry it’ll dry my eyes out even more and I won’t be able to see tomorrow (you know, worse than usual) on top of not being able to drive well because my ankle is sprained and I’ll pay for it in spades all weekend.
You can measure the degree of my anxiety by the length of my run on sentences. True story.
My life is SOOOO hard. First world problems FTW.