Conversations inspired by the weather

Bear*: I need a coat.
me: i had to make Husband get a coat.  it’s like 5 in WA.  he is confused about how to survive.
Bear: yeah, this is really hard on us southerners.  like, ok, it was cold. Ok, now its time for it to get back to being in the 50s, like in Georgia after its cold for a few days
me: exactly, right… sustained cold is weird
Bear: yeah.  like I looked at the 10 day forecast – straight 40s and 30s
me: eww
Bear: I know
me: look at this: or, Antarctica
Bear: Is this real?
me: yes.  and terrible.
Bear: are you sure this isn’t like wikiweather or something and you just changed it?
me: i’m not that technologically proficient
Bear: do cars work in that kind of cold?  is there life?
me: a little bit i think, but slower. like when you put goldfish in ice water in 7th grade science
Bear: um, susiebear*…  if an Animal Farm like event ever occurred, you would probably be on some kind of enemy list
me: wha? why? that was a for-a-grade project. totally legitimate.
Bear: yeah, but you see, the animals may have a congress and the rat/goldfish delegations will move to go after you
me: have i ever told you about the only recurring nightmare i’ve ever had, and how it has colored my conception of hell?
Bear: no.  is it that the hamburgler is eating you?  cause that’s a pretty scary dream
me: no, but that is terrifying in its own right.   my dream is this:
i am bad, and i go to hell (like one does). it turns out that hell, for me, is all of the animals i have ever killed, in the name of science or pest control, killing me exactly as I did them, forever and ever ad infinitum.
Bear: ok, yeah, that is kind of like my animal congress, but a little more hardcore
me: yes.  i think that is on my top five list of things I hope don’t happen to me.
Bear: I think mine is funnier because the animals will stand on their hind legs and give speeches in regal accents
me: i do love animal farm.  and anthropomorphization.
Bear: that is a long word
me: it’s not actually a word, but i think it should be
Bear: I second that.
fin.
——
*My roommates and I have a bizarre and enduring habit of referring to each other as (Name)bear, or sometimes just Bear.  It is weird, and I love it.
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One Response to Conversations inspired by the weather

  1. Jess says:

    This is the kind of weather we’re having in Denver right now too. It is supposed to get down to MINUS SIX tonight. I am just hugely relieved that this weather is incredibly abnormal and everyone else in Denver is as horrified as I am. I was beginning to think that all the research we did on the relatively mild Denver winters was LIES ALL LIES.

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